there's no money in poetry

and i don't do it for the art

10 doomed people who are obviously dating a crazy person

i will starve myself to death for you
endure slavery bend my knees
i'm sending you a map
on my carved skin

fleas

i used to wait out
awake
for hours
turning
tossing
watching
the same
shit
over
and
over
for
you

i
still
do

faulty

i don't like to talk
my problems
are mine

addicted to you

seeking behaviour
constant craving
adrenaline fueled
        encounter

immediate gratification
post administration
             heightened
         dopaminetic
       activity

upon cessation of use
the subject experiences
              dysregulation
dopamine decrease
       until
   the release
          of
   saline mucose

our chemistry
          is
substance use
    disorder

slow dancing to babasonicos

these moments where we're hours
minutes away from touching
i remember 
how lucky we were
that i'm so easy
that you fucked me tired
that you let me be

let me be honest with you
these last months
i entertained myself
to forget what i missed
and i forgot how was your kiss
but when i remembered it
it was bliss

cleopatra and the nymph

at every group there's one girl
so beautiful that she's unaware
for men have always feared
approaching her

a nymph of the woods
of the amazon forest
a goddess
a queen
a cherub
no wings

1993

con-nexion
        is
disc-on-nexion

through the looking glass

you call my name
come in
i say
there's beer
i grab the nail clipper
and start
clip clip clip
the game is on
then i paint my nails
all sticky
grooming myself
we win
i'm yelling
you're playing the guitar
to psycho killer
on u tube

nena, all a man has is his words

it's raining
the internet went down
my drink's gone warm
my friend went out
got no cigarettes
no music on the radio
no baby boo lover
just this roach

rumours

no pictures please
i was never there
call my fucking lawyer

digging my own grave with a spoon

there were many roads
i was too lazy to walk
so i laid on the ground
waited for the wind
to cover me with soil

patience

i smoked a thousand cigarettes-
understood
i had to talk
slower
think
slower
breathe
slower
be
slower
look
and
learn
to get
any better

patience

i smoked a thousand cigarettes-
understood
i had to talk
slower
think
slower
breathe
slower
be
slower
look
and
learn
to get
any better

sadlilgirl

are you lonely?
yes, very
i want to luv so much

coming down
off amphetamines
is totally miserable
without benzos

the fine

art
who understands art
anything can be a love poem
define love
me
who understands me
anything can be me
define me

a love poem

i was happy
all of the sudden
yet i couldn't stop drinking out of habit
spilling beer on my pants
frightened
i was happy while everything was in shambles
i was miserable without pain
my clothes smelled of beer the morning after
a sudden realisation of opportunities lost
gave me strength to see what i had won
i was happy
all of the sudden
when i looked at your crying face

i hid the tear behind a nose scratch

let's say i wanted to sleep outside today
love on a rainy day
bittersweet
heart clenching
let's say i found the cure
but it's too late
fatality
fate

you two drink too much coffee

the white mugs
and white bowls
seem a bit sterile
like hotel tableware
with cheap tea bags
disguised in lemon
i feel awkward
in the silence

i've been running for too long

eventually
i will run far enough
fast enough
that you will not catch me

first day of my life

the purest declaration of love:
touched myself thinking of you

too much

too much of a coward to be a cheat
too much of a victim to be a fuck up
too much of not anything at all

this is what i am
scream to the rooftops
until i believe it too

too much of a conceptual error
too much of all the wrong things
too much of not enough

so sad

i don't feel so well

100 dollars blow
the glamour life
skinny, passed out
god knows how

i don't feel so well

i had a dream
i woke up
i was ruining myself
i woke up
i was ruining myself

i don't feel so well

no money no tattoo
too much of everything
the wrong things
god knows why

i don't feel so well

haiku

i stared into the abyss
secondhand embarrassment
made the abyss look away

daydream

i sleep
eyes lip
asleep
as i leap

that wet sensation behind the eyes

a China doll
in a bulldozer
a toreador
in China
i am a
breakable
wreck

you're mistaken but i know

your love is a lie
grossly exaggerated
like every other love
i've ever known

your feelings of love
a blanket for the cold
in a needed time
that won't cover me

you found me
and used me
as your light
putting off
my very own

the exile

i must
pay
for my sins
heavy stones
thrown
must carry
on my own

mister
do i look like
the kind of girl
who has answers?

i won't
stay
for my kin
i've done
wrong
must go
alone

silence

what if he wants you to
let your hair longer
or shave your pits
stop being so sad
or drunk or both
to calm down
be nice
speak
low
.
.
.

epileptic dreams

four contractions
she hadn't known
she was pregnant
a rat sized foetus

toaster bath

your love is a feeling
it's an electrical surge
you shock me
paralyze me
now me
i want eternal devotion
i want to be chosen each and every day
over everything else in the world
i'm a bathtub full of water

bored, confined, obsessed: chasing my own tail

i'm sorry
my mouth smells of wine
when i kiss your brother on the cheek
i can't hold my purple stained tongue
wrong words spilling out
i can't catch myself
joyfully running
from myself

obstetric violence

the world cut my umbilical chords
i keep trying to tie back but no
a ceasarean with gaping wounds

the trees have eyes

the lioness sits on the corner
and receives the attention
while the chimpanzee
pirouettes around to room
to get it

i'll go the distance but lose the sight

i'll finish this glass and go
get dressed in the dark now
pretend i was never here
leave the door open for me

every last one is the worst one
cause i bring the worst on my own
and the tricks that worked before
well love they don't work no more

you do well to distrust me dear
mix devotion with a dose of fear
because i'm set out to destroy
what could cause me great joy

teenage lobotomy yeah

womb to tomb
sadness and i
lifelong
sadness and i

everyday
i put the nail to my head
and hammer
everyday
i take a scalpel to my brain
and operate

no anesthesia
i'm already numb
just take the fire away

they called her fury

a 5 year old tyrant
keeps my mind dormant
holds my mind hostage
and won't let me go

mom
i don't
feel so
well

i struggle between the bars
pop my head out sometimes
air my thoughts for a while
then back to the death row

mom

i need

pink

medicine

i believe in change, but sometimes my pockets are full

i laugh like there's no tomorrow
riding the roller coaster or
drowning in a bathtub of sorrow

there was so much more than this
but i forgot to pay the electric bill
whatever, some are blind from birth

when life gives you ashes, wait
maybe a phoenix will come to life
let's hope it won't be too late

10%

when you died
i started noticing funeral homes
i had never known how many there were
i had never known how many had fallen
sisters and brothers
mothers and fathers
all these open caskets
and kissed goodbyes
i hadn't known
i had sight but i didn't see
and when i tried to see
i had become blind

hipomnesis

every day there is more food
and less people in my house
first my mom was gone
so i make the lemon pie
then my dad does
so i make soup with spice
now my brother goes
recipes disarrayed
did i poison them?
did i leave the oven door
open by mistake?
it was an accident
i hope

it's turtles all the way down

the problem with tradition is that it's always changing
it's pulling itself out of the mire by its own hair
it's molting by growing too big for its skin
the river flows from springs eternal
into the ocean then skies above
precipitates or snows
it is all one to me

but you
you might never know
what the future holds
so think about death
five minutes a day
it will cure you

a neurochemical con job

love
oh love
loveee
lʌv
i wished for you
you didn't come

put the world on mute

i won't ask for what i want
'cause i'm afraid i'll get it
and it'll be the death of me

pospone my date with sorrow
til another crueler tomorrow
finds me worse than dead

behind a silent sullen face
hides million small mistakes
all combined into a big one

i mailed myself a glitter bomb

the special bomb brigade
has been working for hours
to diffuse the situation
time is tic tic ticking
but there is no red cable

i need this
one last bang before i go
before i join the dead
look!
a shower of flying colours
and blood

and there is no beer

imagine the opposite of where you want to be
there you are
between a hard place and the execution wall
but not the daughter of the czar
hopscotch
in the minefield
what good is a leg
when your head is ill
at war with every bordering nation
have been ever since creation
but twenty enemies cannot kill
what you have already willed
empty

i'll make lemonade out of it

i can't stay
i seek thrills
i get bored
a new thing
to make me
stay but me
i'm intense
i need a hit
to integrate
i'm going
away love
i want to
feel sate
i cannot
just say
love

i'm your teenage fallout queen

the prypyat ferris wheel
is a hot spot for making out
but i sit alone and contemplate
drowning in toxic doubt

later you'll find me
riding the emotional roller coaster
five times in a row
then puking on a trash can
but i just won't quit

i hear the cries of
a malformed baby
inside of me
oh, it
won't
quit

i don't feel anything until i smash it up

break up
break down
break me
break in
break away
break you

68 plus 128 equals 1 hour of self hate

monday morning
my eyes won't open
and i regret everything
i did and said last week
my bones ache from grinding
i wait for the bus in the cold
april is the cruelest month
behind my swollen eyes
the tears hide
imprisioned
by pride

the divorce

the autopsy revealed
my charred heart:

your bitter ill will
set me as the mark
you'd tried to fix your mind
by jamming me inside
and when it didn't work
well the blame was mine

there was no last talk
last love last fuck
no cake for you sir
no we can't talk
there's no remedy
if there's fault
to be had

i'm not that kind of girl

what does it mean
you love me
you don't even know me
explain this to me
i can't seem to grasp
i'm becoming blind
how can you
i don't
i can't
i

i keep talking
inane things
so the bad
stays in

what do you mean
you love me
why would you?

i said i love you by mistake

can we be happy together?
mishaps and laughing all the time
sassying each other tenderly
i'd look at you and see
not what i need
but what
i choose

dear diary

here we go again
reopening an old wound
fourth grade all over again
falling down on the same spot
and being so fucking proud of the scar
i'll deal with this the same way i always do
ignoring it until it gets tired of me
it worked with my father, my ex, my life
i imagine it will work until i die


i can't decide
be righteous or live a normal life
should i forgive myself
or educate you
should i regret my actions
or take advantage of me

because
every girl learns how to play dumb to be cute
every girl learns how to sell herself well
every girl learns that boys only care if she's free
every girl learns she can't just give in

but
i was never gonna be the girl who did ballet
i wanted to feel powerful not graceful so i did boxing instead
i was never gonna be the girl you wanted
i have two left hands and like to be messed up

and yet
i suck the marrow of the bone
while i sell myself for a second of fun
just put it all in a box inside yourself
and bury it underground...

entertain us

a boy in a leather jacket
speeds by on a motorcycle
and leaves behind a doubt
about freedom and dying
he saws the space in half
so you bleed on the floor

she's not a girl who misses much

happiness is a nice dildo
yes it comes from inside
but you have to put it there

happiness is a warm gun
if by gun you mean
a vibrator on max speed

happiness is good cock
even if they give it to you good
you'd still have to know how to take it

φέρειν φόνον

mum
autumn has come
and i must return
to where there is no sun

mum
the chthonic horses run
with the souls of my loved ones
in the underworld they will roam

mum
my reign has begun
eating punica granatum
by the fields of elysium


mum
aeneas with the golden bough
may see me in my throne
with cerberus my loyal hound

mum
i am she who brings destruction

wigs on a pig don't make it an eagle

cold pizza by the kitchen sink
a mug of lukewarm black tea
i can't be bothered to heat up
wearing ratty grimy pajamas
and avoiding responsibilities

tomorrow
tomorrow i'll put all your things in a bag
and deliver them to your house
and punch you in the face
and cry all the way home
tomorrow

stress cooking muffins at 3 am
inventing new things to delay
a lump making me suffocate
descends from my gullet
and oppresses my chest

i'm uncertain even about how to end this poem

need to be free
and to feel owned
try to set boundaries
push them on my own
think for days
act on impulse
neither win
nor lose
nor empty
or full

nor hot

or cold

erratic?

capricious?

mercurial?

inconsistent?

INSUFFICIENT DATA

FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER

i ignored your texts cause they bore me to death

it's not a game if no one wins
we're both losers, always been

oh no
another sad boy wants me
to save him and heal him
care for him like a mother
honey i can't with myself
and i've no interest in you

it's not a game if i quit
i've quit a long time ago

eating itself and healing itself

a snake, recoiling,
twisting into itself
a gordian knot

earthbound,it wants to fly
but it has to let itself
be captured by the eagle

a cigarette would help
a cigarette would go a long way
to coughing blood

the snake
it wants to jump
but i will end like icarus

every night about eleven o clock

seven days a week
seven days a week
i dream about death
downright pathetic
it's past prophetic
not even poetic
but i worry

seven days a week
seven days a week
i dream about death
stumbling fumbling
vomiting epilectic
episodes of death
grandfathers and
lovers all fallen
except me

maybe it's my ex maybe it's my mum maybe i'm fucked up

you kept trying to figure me out
shooting then measuring my pout
(they always do)
i've kept you guessing out of pride
or maybe i couldn't say it outright
(i always do)

i'm ashamed to unravel my mind
hid long enough under thick hide
it seems absurd to ever confess
reveal this shameful ugly mess
(it always does)

you guessed wrong everytime
were you enchanted by my lie?
(they always do)
but eventually i will spill
and make this all very ill
(i always do)

i'm afraid i'm not deep enough

there must be something wrong with me
because i get butterflies in my stomach
not thinking about your smile or jokes
but about your cock or your dirty talk
because my chest gets suddenly tight
when i recall you beating me hard
and wish you had made me cry
i have always been like this
feelings only when high
i want to be in love
not just in lust

could you turn me off please?

it's eight in the fucking morning and i want hash browns
i've been trying to sleep but i'm too high
i hope when i wake up
i don't remember what i did tonight
i keep trying to sleep and being too high
it's a constant
when everything else
is uncertain

back to the last scene
i was feeling horny, so horny
i was about to touch myself in public
so i decided if no one was gonna fuck me
then i was gonna fuck the band
went around asking where the party was
somebody told me but i didn't hear
i hit on everyone
not picky

but right now
i'll go to sleep when i can't stand up
so i'll take a while baby
you sleep if you want
i can't waste this beer
i need a ciggie

i need
i don't know

i'm miss jane austen the sad spinster

i am pride
you are prejudice
through and through
yet we cannot breach
our flaws
we remain
asunder

when i'm low i get high

i'm this lana del rey daddy kink song
amy winehouse overdose waiting to happen

i'm enjoying the ride
on the mechanical bull
of this hole in the wall

if you think music is a cruel mistress
then you've been to the wrong, wrong bed

to be my sugar daddy you just have to buy me beer

spoiled
spoiled rotten
rotten

knowledge is power
power is fear
fear is knowing
you have power
over me

it hurts and you won't stop

bored now

exhausted
by you

can't concentrate

disturbed
by you

i'm tired of trying to make sense of life, of this, of me

white lilies get a bad rep
but they get the job done
you choose to show this
be this live this believe
this

you have two seconds to run and then i'm coming after you

my xray eyes can see right through your lies
they target your face and discover your smile
oh how bright it shines when you and i collide
how brick by brick it tears down my palisade

you try to play it cool but then your eyes show
adoration escapes from your mouth in a flow
your kisses and touches reveal what i now know
i'm so scared it sets the skin on my cheeks aglow

god i love the feel of your fingers inside me
i think you look lovely on your baby pics
joking that we want to have three kids

a girl who's too sad to give a fuck

this is a bad idea
i say
as i throw myself naked into the frozen lake
and go down
down
down

this is the best way to die
you're trapped inside the biting water
unable to move
but struggling in spirit
i told you this
but you didn't agree

i'll show you now

our sex is on fire

once
just once
let me not write a poem
about how good you fuck me
let me not write this poem
i want to be someone else's sometimes
i want to forget
you make me feel
yours

a broken heart ad your ex's old shirts

if you're already drunk get drunker
don't fall asleep on your lover's bed
don't
don't let him say nice things to you

i drink all my daily intake of water
in bottles of beer
two more cups
i just need two more cups

i was frantic
yeah i needed you
need your punishment daddy
oh

i am allergic to feelings
my throat closes up
i might puke

i am unworthy of your attention

come here
shhh
can i tell you a secret?
don't tell anyone but
sometimes i get daddy angry
on purpose
just so he'll spank me
hihi
i know right
i'm such a bad little girl
i take my pacifier off
and i yell on his ear
and sometimes
i want to feel daddy's love
but his words are not enough
for my little heart to stop beating
so i sneak out and run away
until daddy gets so mad
that i come back and lie
about where i was
so daddy will forgive me
is it working daddy?
am i making you mad?
are you gonna feel for me?
make up monsters under my bed?
spank me and soothe me?
i need to be taken care of
cause i don't know
what's good for me

i can't be what you need and you can't be what i need but

the moment before the explosion
                                         he says
      "what do you need?
you can ask anything of me
        i'll give it to you"
but you can't
you close your eyes and
put your hands over your mouth and
beg for his release
      "what do you want?
tell me, what do you need?"
but you can't, you'll never tell
      it's wrong and too much
what you want is to be taken apart
      and put back together again
what you want is to feel
      and to be empty at the same time
what you want
      you don't know

just want to feel free

yes i do get high to feel things
yes i freak out if i feel too much
don't wanna miss, need or love
anyone

never catch feelings

my bloody mary is pure tabasco
it burns my mouth and i burn you
and if the bottle is ever empty
i'd rather buy a new one
instead of being pure

i don't want to talk
i'd rather forget
bottle or pill
and yet

it's not enough, you love e and i don't love

trying to rip the music out of me with a machete
you'll only get splinters and a broken box

let's go to the woods, where the music is not so loud
and you can meet my fairy friends

let's dance like the floor is lava
on tables and chairs and burning our feet

rolling, rolling like tumbleweed
we feel light and aimless, like we should be

stream of unconsciousness

oh boy whats wrong with me?
i'm gone gone g o n e
pretty and wet and easy
for you
how cute
i'll go easy on yo-
no wait i changed my mind
the usual, please
fuck and run
hard and cold
please
don't get attached
i can barely deal with my own self

hunger hurts but starving works

because writing
is the closest thing to
getting repeatedly stabbed with a knife
that i have
and i need to be bled out

i wanked myself raw last night
to filthy, filthy thoughts
that i wouldn't dare to even whisper
open, debauched, wet and so willing
more pain than pleasure to be true
and i never once thought of you

but it was your hands i missed
a fond touch to the back of the neck
i have always thought of sex
as a way to forget love

fuck off

two beers and three cigarettes latter
you still fuck me up pretty bad
got me listening to sad songs
and getting all weepy eyed

could you not?
thanks

don't worry i'll drown soon

congrats, sweetie, you made a girl cry
next time you'll take candy from a babe
why don't you just get her to off herself
i think deep down you hope she would
just throw herself from that ninth floor
where she saw death for the first time

if the music is loud then the thoughts are not

boys who are snobs about music
boys who are snobs about movies
boys who are snobs about living
boys who are so sure of themselves

i'm a nimphomaniac
i'll fuck you and your securities too
i'm not a homewrecker
i'll fuck you and your boyfriend too
i'm not a heartbreaker
i'll fuck you and all your friends too
i'm an addict
i'll fuck you and your insecurities too

it's hard to keep the stories straight
it's hard to keep the lies straight
are you the one with a punk band
or the one with the cute cat?

boys who break my heart
boys who think i have no heart
boys who don't know
boys who know

9.7

a daddy
that will make me be quiet
just cause he knows i can't

a daddy
who will spank me raw
until i cry happy tears

a daddy
who'll want to be my best
who'll work his way up

a daddy
who will take it from me
but subtly ask for it first

one like you
so good

i'm my own best friend and my worst enemy

coffee and whiskey
coffee and whiskey

i'm finally warm inside
i got nostalgic and hallucinated a whole memory
i danced around naked and i got naughty
i wanted a warm body but it didn't have to be you
i hope you don't think you're anything else but
convenient

i'm sorry
i don't like to talk or flirt
not really
i don't like boys or girls
not really
i like any pleasure that makes me forget
makes all the voices in my head go shhhh
if you're good then we're set i'm silent
if not then let's do it all the same but
give me a hit first

coffee and whiskey
coffee and whiskey

i've let myself be used and torn just to see if it helped it didn't
everyone wants to feel they matter
not really
everyone likes to feel that conversations aren't just monologues
not really
i hope my grandmama don't find out
i've been lost for ages but i only started showing this last months
i've been quieter yet louder when i open my dirty mouth
and say anything, please anything


coffee and whiskey
coffee and whiskey
wake me up and put me to sleep
feeling safe and warm all over

late night informecial

don't know what to do with her?
lick her!
wait, no, i meant
liquor!*

*this deal is offered for 20 years. extensions may apply. consult with your local dealer.

i'd do 12 steps then a thousand more

run away with me
the highway is calling me and i must go
don't
don't run away with me
i will probably leave you stranded
the highway is lonely and dark
full of little white wooden crosses
i will never belong unless it takes me
i'm cursed with this landsickness
forever starting over in every city
different name, different story,
same old practiced lies

crying lightning

my eyes are wet on the inside
on their inner wall, swollen
about to explode

this bursting sensation

i can't seem to go off
i push, push, push
the boundaries
expand

hi! i'm ana. i've been sober for... yeah. i've been struggling.

daddy takes good care of me:
he gets me high and gets me off
we get on like a house on fire

but let's take a break 'cause i'm getting sentimental
everybody clap, here comes Columbine:

half a bottle of tequila through my throat
down the nauseatingly perfumed porcelain
what a waste of good liquor and neurones

i once met a girl who was so bright
she had to turn herself off

close the curtains

too much poison

www.google.com


"angry songs about break ups"
"spiteful break up songs"

"songs about hating someone"
"songs about hating your ex"

"fuck you songs"

"i hope you die songs"
"i hope i die songs"

god no
not another silly love song

clutching wounds

i'm bleeding
the wound is open
gaping
gory
red

i won't heal here in the desert
i barely knew i was hurt
and now i'm already dying

the cigarette looks good in the camera
but we are gonna have to cut the shot short
i need real medical attention

i'm going out in style
singing
the song of my people

beer then, done that

i'm a little fuckslut
lost and down
here's my lil' hole
here's my cunt

ram ram ram my cunt
hardly in the sheets
angrily angrily angrily angrily
'cause i'm such a shit

lil' columbine had a house in boe-do
everyone knew that she was a big ho
so with a shag there and a shag here
and a whiskey here and a gin there
she would be able to fucking go

columbine columbine
where art thou? where art thou?
methinks thou dost protest too much
lick my dong. eat my dong.

hush, little baby, don't say a word,
mama's gonna give you an orgasm

this side: inside

4pm she buys beer
8pm a bottle of gin

she was sad on the club
she was sad on the pub

was she was high on lsd?
or maybe it was ketamine


yet say what you may
she was sad anyway

the rhymes the rhythm
the sadness was within
 
oh a thousand cigarettes
couldn't hide her regret

if a strip tease could appease
she would be a better tease

when given up on the petit mort
she just wants to be done for

i want you

i want you to hit me as hard as you can
like that song that broke your heart
or the drug that made you fall deep

i want you to break my skin
yellow green purple bruises
 crusty with dry, rusty blood

i want you to beat me the fuck up
to have a limp that reminds me
that i'm an ugly worthless mess


nothing more
nothing less

please not now (what do i do)

you
are the ghost that came back to haunt me,
the monster that hides under my bed,
the skeleton in my closet,
the elephant in the room.

your eyes
follow me, judge me, mock me.
i recoil or run or hide or shrink
but i can't shake you off.

your
captive, prisoner, hostage,
you hold me and won't release me.
i want to yell, scream, punch,
i want to stay.

the glass half empty

two addicts living on a house
D-R-I-N-K-I-N-G,
first comes a tantrum,
then comes enabling
then comes apologies,
then comes sobs
in a drunken state.

inky bile

watch me
being torn apart
by the words
surfacing
how painful
this pages
tell the story
of my downfall
no one cares
how i manage
to word vomit
on an empty soul
i dry heave
little poems
cries for help
please
don't
answer

cold turkey, delirium tremens

I REGRET EVERYTHING

from the way that i looked
to the things that i said
how i let myself open
and shamed my family


I STILL CAN'T CRY

inside my head there is drowning
yet the tears won't flow
the dam shakes and shakes
but only drops spill out


LAST NIGHT I WAS CONSCIOUS

i'm not angry, love
i'm just disappointed
it keeps coming back to me
like war flashbacks


(i'm about to burst)

gin and... anything that's lying around

it's 5 in the morning
that's not time for mourning

it's just

i wish sex was as easy as porn
i'll just whip it out in front of you
and then proceed to get fucked
out of mind and life

sorry
i'm about to cry on the dancefloor
lately all i do it's try to hold it in
hating myself and trying to forget

sorry
i'm not really sorry
i still wanna cry and this is not helping

argh

alone a lone all one

i want to write something romantic:
love, love, lalalala, love
i want to sing happily in the streets
oh, to be the sun that shines so ever bright
oh, to be, in your eyes, better than the moon
oh, to be drunk in love

or maybe just drunk

i wish i could sing a lovesong
but instead i'll sing sad words
"if you want to be my lover
you gotta get with my imaginary friends"
for the only love i ever had was beer

a voice in my head reminds me i want to see you

it's a stupid voice

i will drown it out

this is not a poem, this is a drill, i repeat, it's a drill

there are only two constants in my life:
i'm turned on and i need a beer

aye aye and a bottle of rum

i'm a bad girl
i sleep with both eyes open
i steal the candy-flip from children's mouths
i crave the punishment more than the reward
i
i
i

aye aye captain
tell me where to go now
are we wandering aimlessly
because of fear or because of laziness?

i'm spontaneous when i overdose

take enough and it's poison
take enough and it's paradise
be it bottle, powder or pill
find some cheap illegal thrills
make memories to forget

please don't fall for me
i only feel things when i'm high

i talk shit but it's not an act,
it's so, so easy to let go
when there was nothing in to begin with

by the pool, drinking daikiris

everyday i feel as i'm about to burst
but i only deflate and inflate
no confetti pops out of me
no molten lava
nothing

i deflate
i inflate

i don't want dinner

no C
no E
no H
no K
no M
no O

nothing

at
all

all
i
want
is
not
being
sober

don't wanna feel my face no more

columbine
gets her blood taken out and replaced by god's blood
she's quite a rebel

columbine
wants oblivion and isn't too shy to ask
such a lovely lowlife

columbine
feels unworthy and smells badly
so she drinks to that

columbine
wakes up wet everyday
touch me, she'll say

we cannot reverse the entropy of the soul

so i pour the libation
the fire makes the shadows
and the shadows follow the light
beyond what we can reach
finally, the beat drops
and my heart implodes
creating an universe
out of sorrow
but the show must go on
i measure a cup of raw liver
and eat it with my bare hands
i must grow strong,
for the winter
before the deep sleep
takes me to dreams of death

sweat lines racing through the lanes of my body

back to the wet jungle of concrete
where monkeys hold their dogs
and yell into tiny metal boxes
i stroll as if the king of it
while the sweat drips drips drips

decomposers on the forest soil
aren't enough to clean us

now i know how joanne of arc felt

drowning in soaked dreams
i wake up gasping for air
the all consuming fire
it comes and goes
and i wish to burn

happy hour

it's loud in here
the ringing noise-
and you won't stop talking

i try to make myself quiet
foetal position
my mind is a mountain
and the thoughts are clouds
that should pass by
but instead
there comes a mist and a weeping rain

i would say anything to shut myself up
but words are not enough
too much and never enough
so pour me a cup
or two or three-
i won't remember tomorrow

i love to laugh HAHAHAHA

te qui la
to kill ya
te qui la
to free ya

a fugue state a renegade a lost dream a magazine with your face in it selling me selling you selling you to me me to you

you are so beautiful
i don't know who you are and i don't remember your face but
you are so desirable
i will lead you to bed and be naked in it before you even come in but
you are so memorable
i hope to moan the right name and be a right doll but
i will pass out now

a fugue state a sweet escape a mistake to let them eat cake because the red velvet is your blood your body the last meal

te qui la
to kill ya
te qui la
to free ya

satan baby

santa i've been naughty:
my dry crackled whiskey lips
have kissed the sky and come back
my walk of shame is shameless

but i'll leave you:
a glass of moloko milk
some crack cookies
grass for rudolph

so you won't bring me coal:
bring me numbness instead

hot coal

can't feel my legs feel weird my eyes popping out of their sockets and becoming the moon hands like black widows eating their mates after copulating

the fire
it will reach me soon

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before (please)

numb lips, fat tears
a stitch on my spleen that won't quit
a burning sensation
oh great, what's wrong with me now?
you've probably heard this story
A THOUSAND TIMES
same old, same old
tired tale, sung song
bla bla i'm sick and i want to die
poor boring me
time passes and i won't quit
but maybe i should