dear diary

here we go again
reopening an old wound
fourth grade all over again
falling down on the same spot
and being so fucking proud of the scar
i'll deal with this the same way i always do
ignoring it until it gets tired of me
it worked with my father, my ex, my life
i imagine it will work until i die


i can't decide
be righteous or live a normal life
should i forgive myself
or educate you
should i regret my actions
or take advantage of me

because
every girl learns how to play dumb to be cute
every girl learns how to sell herself well
every girl learns that boys only care if she's free
every girl learns she can't just give in

but
i was never gonna be the girl who did ballet
i wanted to feel powerful not graceful so i did boxing instead
i was never gonna be the girl you wanted
i have two left hands and like to be messed up

and yet
i suck the marrow of the bone
while i sell myself for a second of fun
just put it all in a box inside yourself
and bury it underground...