a polaroid of your subconscious

i put the spoke on my wheel of fortune
to trip while blaming others
to stall my true calling
to stop me from thanking, accepting, then letting go
and to balance my yin yang, well
that'd be asking just too much

...

you: the emperor turned magician
will evolve into a hermit
with a ladden carriage
to balance the force
of mind and beast

seasons greetings

 boring-
i've decided i'm gonna be proper boring
i know i've said this before
broken too many promises
lips weren't sealed, after all
loose lips winning battleships
 boring-
wish i'd trade bodies
fake tits, having a grip,
gobbing up salads, virgin piña coladas
 boring-
when your party has a christmas spirit
that means everyone's sober, innit
and i'm here wishing it was over, dearest
 boring-
spilling drinks from grinding too hard
spilling truths from drinking just enough
i'de really love it if everyone would just shut up
except i hate silence
 boring-

i want to fuck you like a dog

daddy
please daddy
take me home and tie me to your bed
fuck me all night and i'll sleep all day
i'll be a pretty whore in a skin tight dress
please daddy please
i touched myself six times today
had five shots of rum
four cans of beer
three cigarettes
two spankings

please
one more
i'll be good pretty please
daddy daddy please
i want to be punished for being alive
for being a flirt a jezebel
hurt me daddy
spit on me
make me beg
i need to forget
touched myself all day today
but i never stop aching
i'm nothing anymore
just a little slut
saying give me
      give me
give me
i need it so bad daddy
please hurt me
take me as you please
fill me up until i'm yours
share me with everyone
fuck all my holes
use me use me abuse me
spoil me
ruin me
please daddy
pretty please
i don't wanna have to ask for it
it's what i'm for

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1JL9cYhby9J

two black cadillacs, two black cadillacs

i'm always making excuses as i go
scurrying through the streets
i'm late, i'm leaving, i didn't do it
                                  all become
i was helping a blind dog cross the street
i have to go deliver this basket across the woods
i went on a quest to learn the hidden arts and failed

i do all my own stunts:
jumping over a pile of all the unnecessary lies
or through loopholes on fire, tiptoeing on the tightrope
digging up my grave and burying myself alive

get in line to throw your handful of dirt

if i'm writing, then i'd rather be empty

all the boys wanna fix me
     but i'm too broken
              like a record
                 too broken
              like a record
                 too broken
i skip,
          i skip,
                    i skip
                            all your favourite tracks


(i'll have to leave again,
because the hardest part is staying
and i've got an expiration date,
i'm like a ticking bomb
want to be torn open
just to put myself back again)

sickness:

ive been quoting the same phrases for over a decade to cover up the fact ive got nothing to say. told the same story a thousand times, so much its not even real, its prefabricated, its an overproducted comercial that wont sell you a thing. i backed myself into an alley; im confortable here, safe even. fitting all of us into boxes so we wont ever have to question anything. "a copy of a copy of a copy" all i am is quotes. filling the empty space selling lies and trading thruths and i havent heard a word you were saying, im so gone trying to forget we all exist. nothing new under the sun but it is what it is.

(stop trying to undestand me

i dont undestand myself)

here's to getting so drunk i forget your face

i don't want to be in love forever, always in love with you forever, like groundhog day forever, seeing you everyday forever, torturing me by smiling at me like you know i'm hurting forever, wish i could kill you and get over it forever

i will never fall in love again

----

i want to break something and pretend it's your face
i want to break your face and pretend it's your heart
i want to break free, from you (from me)


---

why do you hang around? when you know oh
(i'm so sorry)

possession is nine tenths of the law (one tenth is touching myself on my empty bed)

you're too lazy to fuck me properly-
wish you'd get your hands around my neck, pull my hair, bitch slap me, throw me around
rough me up

honestly, i have to do all the work around here, choking myself on your dick
but sometimes hard working pays off:
eating her ass while i ram her cunt, what a vision, those niveous mounds of venus

i could stay like this for hours
aren't you glad i'm such a little slut?

wild eyes wild lies

when you're not home
i dance around naked
cigarettes and cheap beer

my life is a boring indie movie
flowers in silly jars

i'm in love with my dildo,
it's not a metaphor
i'm not that deep
yet

none of my poetry is poet-y
this last year
it transpires
i'm not inspired

sorry

don't trust me

martinis, cocaine and i used to be cool
eating pussy in clubs' bathrooms,
getting slapped for fucking others' boyfriends
drinking hallucinogens from strangers' cups
wandering wild on the highway


i want the high way again


08', what a time to be alive
katy perry was kissing girls, so was i
drunk greedy needy me
that was my favourite thing to be
15, and i used to be cool

humanity, humantiny

this giant waterlilies
and the way nature grows so large when we don't touch it,
the whole of it, the waterfalls, it grows too much
and i let myself


i let me be

i am huge

my being is abrasive

i let me be

my story takes pages and pages,
and so does yours

and i let me be

be me

the waterfalls

the whole iguacu falls

they are all me


and i am theirs

the end of the story

"you're going to ruin everything by thinking like that." (s)he says.
(i know, i know, and i meant it all the same)


the sad songs you sing have no meaning, none whatsoever
you like saying things aloud, you get a kick out of the song, the movement of your tongue
(lo li ta)

but we were doomed from the start
and im not gonna win this game if i keep playing
because the only thing you have to do in your life is die
(baby, its true)
and i´ve been doing it so well

in space no one can hear you be

plummeting into the abyss between two worlds
silently
slowly
falls
he
he


the words,
they´re not meant for you
for you to see
but i wish it all the same


drop
drop
drop
goes the rain
.


the planets align
the comets arrive
the meteors alight
and you soul is fire
burning
me

a shower of you
the extinction of my species

22/03/2014

singing the same songs

You're exasperating
    like cocaine in its best days
     running through my veins
It's side-splitting
   how you spin my head like meth
    a cheap thrill that leads to death
 You're in command,
    I'm a soldier in your hand
    let you drag me land by land
Trees undress,
   I'm foreign in my own country
   a pawn in your game of chess

The hunger strikes me again
Drowned in deliriums of fame

Some kind of tragedy,
 wreck chords ruin the melody,
 can't you at least be discret?

Rotten attitude,
 you were my favourite drug
 but then I learned about abuse

27/06/2011

these melodies

the sun is shining on your lover's bald
you think it's romantic, but it's only a fraud
the lamp is shining on your mother's face
you think you're her son, you're just a disgrace

14/05/2012

Is all I do nowadays, lie on the bedroom floor with eyes closed.
Sometime there's music, sometimes not.
Yes, I'm very lonely, yes, pictures all over the floor.
It goes on and on and on and on and on.

02/12/2011

dead trees on your backyard

It's not the sophisticated words,
carefully phrased sentences,
foreign terms in the right context,
not the meaning

It's the mirrors and windows.
It's always been about them,
everywhere, since the dawn
of humanity,

I don't believe in symbols,
not in the way most do.
But I guess we could say
I don't believe in oracles,
only in translations.

30/12/2011

proper definitions with meanings

i'm 19 years old
i should have grown up by now
my grandparents did, at my age
my parents, well, i don't know

i'm 19 years old
when i was very little
i used to think of how I'd be right now
strong and confident

but i'm not strong enough
life is pushing itself against me
like closing walls in an action movie
and i'm so unwise i don't even know
the name of those things

okay, maybe that isn't the best example
see? i can't talk like normal people
i see the world and can't grasp it
but i'm forced to make something of myself
it's... laughable

20/11/2012

not a sonnet

and i think about this, all the time.
the smell on the top of your head
the fact that we can´t reverse entropy,
and the universe is going to end sometime ahead

about the sounds, and other people´s internal life
that i could never, never even guess
i think and think about how to make people smile
but i can´t never get it for meself

i wish i didn´t know how to worry
a lobotomy isn´t looking so bad tonight
i wish i could at least write better poetry

i wish my poems would rhyme
the world´s end never looked so right
to make this melancholy appropriate to the time

poor little white girl

there it is
i am not brave enough to break a goblet
so i will smoke a cigarette instead

one too many

here comes another white girl who is sad,
                                                way too sad
                                                  so so sad
that she will write this way this
                              geometric forms
                                      with all her
                                        favourite words
                                           spilling
                                                 out

here comes another white girl who is sad,
           

                              way too sad
                                             
                                   so
                                 
                                      so
                                          sad

now: ledge

think back to that life altering moment, the basis of your structure, or maybe the remodelation after the demolition, or those tiny little pieces of patchwork that keep the old building together. now take it out, put it away. where are you now, what have we made with this little game? ask all the what ifs: what if, what if?

what do you know about yourself now?

listen to your voice for a day, hear yourself out. do you have a catchphrase? maybe you do but you never noticed. something someone said that you stole. who said it? whose voice it's speaking now, out of your lungs?

i am not speaking of the past or the future. i speak of a time eternal.

look in the mirror. did you always have that mole? they say you look like someone, from your family perhaps, but you've never seen it. do you see it now? explore the uncharted skin. show me in your body where life has touched you. there is a story behind the scar, i can tell, i have them too.

kiss yourself now baby, you deserve it, you're so pretty.

what have we found, after this, in the meadow of the self? the self reflects on the self like a clear mirror: it must be put under visible light.

glossing the book of changes

To yield is to be preserved whole. 
Lao-tse

a year ago:
the retreat. mountain under heaven.
today,
the taming power of the small
dense clouds trickle with meanings
and the shadow that restrains,
holds in a leash.

the time has not yet come for sweeping measures

the superior man
-a strange phrasing-
must keep himself refined
and his inferiors at a distance
yet what does the inferior woman do
to achieve a succesfull outcome
in retreat or advancement, both?

six in the second place means nothing
nine in the second place, nine
in the third place
or was it the fourth place?
all bring progress and success
but the wind is the least visible of all the phenomena
and the completion of the circle
seems entirely undone

my head's a washing machine

i always say
i know my flaws very well, thanks

because i do

i do

i know them like your favourite cd, scratched from all the listenings
i know them like my house's adress or the plate of my dad's car
i do

i realise now
(forgive me god for all the late epiphanies, i should have paid more attention)
i don't know my strenghts very well

wouldn't be able, for all the gold in the world, to tell you about my essence

couldn't say what i learned in all these years, if anything

i wish i did
i'd be useful, in life and all that (jazz?)
i could play my strenghts, choose a path, fight for something

instead of staying until late going over and over
(over and over)
the same

a thousand and one nights

today i realised
that time goes by and i have to reajust the years in my narrative. it`s been seven years since, i`ve been for eleven years in, i`ve done fifteen years of.

now, today may be any other day, may be three months ago or just yesterday or right about now when i`m reciting this poem

i`ve never known in my whole life (thirteen years, sixteen years, nineteen years, twenty one-) anyone with more life narrative than me. i`ve told my tale so well, you`d think it`d get tiresome, repeating it.
you`d think i know me so well, i`d have me figured out.

but sherezade`s go for so long you`ve forgotten the first one when she`s done, and then you realise
she meant to trick you all along