through the window pane

the houses around me today are concentration camps
cold withered grey workhouses, walls of concrete
three pine trees gloomy and dark in the dull purple sky
and all the lights of the city say how lonely, how lonely are you tonight

very

(http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Wg1JQYAjUL)

resurrection stone

it was raining the day of my mother's funeral procession
how cliché
my baby brother was carrying her coffin up the stairs to the white stone palace while i am right behind, crying with a following of weak whimpering ladies
then she burns and fits right into an ashtray


every waking second i see her purple face and disoriented eyes and swollen belly and rigor mortis with arms bent awkwardly
she moans and suddenly she's slowly falling from the chair and i'm holding her, yelling "mom don't die" but she's gone already, just gone, and i'm screaming and trying to bring her back
we're breathing into our dead mother's mouth but she won't wake, she's getting cold already
no pressure in her chest will do, this pressure that my chest feels too


how can this happen? don't you know she runs everyday, eats healthy, always so lively? that she was finally happy? that she leaves behind a 20 y/o daughter, a 18 y/o son, a husband who's been with her for 25 years, her elderly parents? don't you see how unfair? don't you see it's not right and we'll never know and it'll never heal?
how can life inexplicably gives us our worst nightmare, and no answers to appease, and is it like it is, be strong and all those things
i don't know
i don't care


i keep wishing for something, a sign of any kind, and i never believed but now i feel i just might, i may need a little hope, some light, the idea that you are still by my side
then other times i'm scared of the dark and i fear your dead hand coming to get me, oh god please help me forget
alive or dead you are with me but that can mean many things
and all these noises and in my head,
stop, please, don't be fucking dead
try taking me instead

Chanting mantras on the way home
 from whatever useless and monotone activity
 which occupies our day this time.
  I reach for my keys, but the door is already open.

I spy tender skin and soft eyes. I spy, I spy.
The back of a neck, all golden curls and pale
composition. Until she opens her eyes,
 and I spy no more.

Her name is Goldilocks and she came into my house,
ate my porridge, sat on my chair, slept on my bed,
then complained about it!
And I cherished her smile while I listened
to her passionate tales about invasion of private property.

after hallow's eve

my poetry sucks

the life out of you
the fun out of parties

my own little soul

and leaves me all alone
empty as a bowl
without candies

false rhymes

a recluse and a poet,
to be blunt, like many others
life has passed -unexplored

both petty and bigoted
so immature, it's already rotten
life has passed


simply that

chug chug chug chug

i write in fear of being found. pour in the pan words that will never rise. recipes never work. mix it all but not too well.

twenty Russians replacing a light bulb with a vodka lamp.
i drink the vodka to confuse them. they love it, shouting my name.

i knew you could do it.

it never makes any sense, does it?

but there's a reason i'm called "perverse"
and not perseverant

i copy paste my own life,
typos and syntactical errors,
letting myself feel proudly wrong, wrongly proud,
the mirror is inside out
as i out my insights
fearing otherwise they will know
i am only as deep as the kiddie's side of the pool

not all poetry is a piece of art

I keep recalling all the tiny details, I'm crazy like that.
The feel of your hands around my neck,
of my knees on the floor,
that moment when thoughts died.

You want to be nice to me.
Don't.
Lay on the top of me and crush me until unconsciousness.


You looked like Jesus in your undies.
It was glorious.
All my sins washed away
in a pure bliss of subservience.

I would love to be love, to be kissed,
but I don't deserve love
if only shudder with roughness.

language as a barrier

it's only a matter of time
but time does not even matter
for it has no matter at all
it's only time
but only is a measurement
and only